Tag: writing smut

Writing Polyamory: 10 Things to Consider

On By L. M. ArcherLeave a comment

When I tell people that I am in a polyamorous relationship, I usually get a ton of questions. I welcome them though and have never been shy with my answers. Most of the questions involve jealousy and what happens in the bedroom, whether that means sleeping arrangements or threesomes.

I have been in a polyamorous relationship for quite some time now. My husband and I wanted an open relationship from the moment we met almost 10 years ago. I’m bisexual, and I didn’t want to give up that aspect of my identity. He didn’t want me to either, so we decided an open relationship would be best for us.

Polyamory often gets confused with polygamy, but they are different. Polyamory typically encompasses a broader scope of practice while polygamy just refers to the practice of one person marrying multiple partners. Polyamory is practiced between consenting adults. If a person cheats on another, then that does not mean they are polyamorous.

I realize a lot of people want to write about an open relationship but may not know the logistics of it. There are also a lot of factors at play that I think most people just don’t even consider. So here are 10 things to consider while writing a polyamorous relationship.

Terminology

There is a lot of terminology within the poly community. I would recommend looking at the Poly Glossary for more explanation. Mostly what I wanted to point out was the difference between a V and a Triangle in the poly community. A “V” relationship is when a person A and person B are dating, but then person B has some type of relationship with person C, but A and C don’t have any kind of relationship. A triangle is when Persons A, B, and C are all in a mutual relationship. I made diagrams! You’ll find those are very helpful later.

Why?

If you’re going to write your characters engaged in a polyamorous relationship, perhaps it’s a good idea to answer why. Why are they opening their relationship? Is it because one of them is bisexual or pansexual and they want to explore? Are they trying to spice things up? Have they met a mutual friend in which they are both interested in? If that’s the case, then you may also want to think about how they may approach the subject both with each other and their friend. 

Jealousy

I get this question all the time. “Don’t you get jealous over the fact that your husband is fucking someone else?” and my answer is always “Meh” with a shrug. I know I’m in the minority here, but I have never been an overly jealous person. It’s just not who I am. I firmly believe that humans are capable of loving more than one person at one time. Poly isn’t right for everyone. If you or your character is a jealous person, you may want to reconsider unless certain circumstances arise. I can talk about those in a different blog post if you would like. 

Rules

I don’t know if this is standard for all poly couples, but I know my husband I had discussed rules when we first opened our relationship. Maybe there is a rule where the new person never sleeps over. Like any healthy relationship, establishing rules and boundaries is very important. 

Differing Personalities

This is something I’ve found a lot of people don’t even think about. Having a relationship with one person is hard enough, especially when you are trying to learn who they are and balance it with who you are. There is a lot of push and pull, then when you add another person to that, it sometimes makes things unequal. Two of the people in the relationship could feed off each other. When one is in a bad mood, it may make the other in a bad mood, which leaves the third feeling trapped in the middle. Take into consideration the characterizations of your main characters and how they may interact. Are they even compatible as a triad?

Sex

This is typically the question I get asked most often. It’s usually only after they worked up the courage, but that’s okay. I will probably write an entire blog based on triad sex scenes, but I will go over the basics here. Keep track of body parts. Plan various positions for them to try. The most important one, though, is understanding it should not be perfect by any stretch of the imagination. The reality is, you spend most of your first threesome feeling awkward and giggling. It’s a logistical nightmare, after all, and you don’t want anyone to fill left out. So please, if you’re writing a threesome, do not make it perfect because that’s simply unrealistic. 

Communication

Like any relationship, communication is ridiculously important. Feeling jealous? Talk about it. Feeling nervous? Communicate that. 

Children

This obviously won’t apply to every book, but I thought it should be said. Perhaps the original couple has a child. As a writer, you have to consider how the child will react to this. How will the parents handle it? It will depend on the age of the child, but it is definitely something to consider. 

The Little Things

This pertains to all the small details that most people wouldn’t think of. Like the fact that most toothbrush packages only come in numbers divisible by two. That is frustrating for triad couples. Sleeping arrangements. Do they switch off? All sleep together in one big ass bed? Little things like this will make your story more organic. 

What’s Wrong With More Love?

A lot of people just can’t seem to fathom how I would be okay with all of this. Perhaps you have a side character in your book with a similar viewpoint. When asked that question, my answer is always very simple: What’s wrong with more love?

Well, I hope you enjoyed this! Please let me know if you’re interested in more information about poly relationships. If you would like to discuss any of this with me, follow me on my social medias below. If you enjoyed this work, consider donating to my career by buying me a coffee.

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Choreographing Smut: 10 Tips for Writing Sex Scenes

On By L. M. ArcherLeave a comment

First I would like to start with a disclaimer. This blog post is going to be 18+. It will contain adult content and somewhat explicit words/imagery. If this makes you uncomfortable in any way, please do not proceed. You can check out my other blogs, they are a bit more tame, yet informative. 

Also note that I primarily write mlm romance, but a lot of these suggestions work for all romance genres. I’ve written a variety of different types of pairings including mlm, flf, heterosexual, and threesomes. I have also written many different sexual situations and scenes including BDSM. That is a topic for a different day, though. If you would like to see a blog post about BDSM smut specifically, leave a like or come visit me on any of my social media platforms!  

I think it goes without saying that the amount of detail you put into your smut scenes is up to you and your target audience. If it’s erotica, I think a lot of detail is called for. I personally like a lot of detail anyway, but some people prefer to just focus on the emotional aspect rather than the physical. If you are one of those people, then that is perfectly fine and acceptable. 

Choreography

Keep in mind that writing smut is like choreographing a dance. I am not a dancer, but to me it is a similar concept. Smut is all about movement, knowing where the bodies are, how the limbs are moving, and the feeling you get from it. It’s about movements and shapes. The beat of their hearts serves at the rhythm for their bodies. It’s a dance between two people but they aren’t always doing the same steps or even listening to the same song.

Map The Scene

I know I say something like this in every single blog post, but it’s important to have a plan. I’m not saying you should know every detail, but I find it really helps me if I have a general idea of what is going to happen and sometimes why it needs to happen. This could be something as simple as knowing which positions I want them in while writing the scene. 

Why?

This isn’t always necessary, depending on the type of the smut that you’re writing. If you are just going for erotica, then it may not actually matter why, but if you’re writing a romance novel with a plot and character development, then the why will matter. Are they hate fucking? Is it make up sex? Is it the couple’s first time? Is one of them a virgin? Does one of them need to be comforted? If so, how does that change their dynamic in the scene?

The Five Senses

This is important when writing anything really, but it is especially important while writing smut. Don’t forget to use every sense. Do their lips taste sweet like vanilla or minty like toothpaste? Does their heartbeat sound erratic? Does their skin feel sweaty? Does their hair look messy or disheveled? Does the bed smell like them or does the room just smell like sex?

Clothes

This one sounds kind of ridiculous, but you have no idea how many times I’ve been reading a smut scene and suddenly they are both naked, but I have no idea how it happened. Don’t forget that they are probably wearing clothes in the beginning of the scene, even if it’s just underwear. If they are both fully dressed, don’t forget about the little things like socks and shoes. Those things don’t just disappear. It could be just something as easy as adding a line about how they both got fully undressed.

Surroundings

Very similar to clothes, as a writer, you cannot forget about their surroundings. Are they in a bedroom? Are the lights off? Did they need to turn them on? Are they in the bathroom of a nightclub? Describe these things. If they are in the bathroom of a night club, then things may be rushed, and you’ll have to describe things like the dull thud of the music. If they are in a bedroom, they can take their time. Does one of them have a condom? Are they using a condom? If not, has it already been established why? If you’re writing mlm, where is the lube? Do they have it in the drawer or in a packet in their pocket? If the writer forgets these things, it can be jarring for the reader. A condom doesn’t just suddenly appear on a cock. All it takes is a sentence to eliminate confusion.

Feelings

This could be both physical and emotional. If one of the people in the scene is a virgin, it may be painful for them at first. This experience is new for them, so you have to try to describe it from the point of view of someone who hasn’t ever had these experiences before. As far as emotional feelings go, that depends on where you are in the story and what was happening before the scene takes place. Just keep in mind where your characters are mentally as well as physically.

Dirty Talk

I love dirty talk, but write it only if you’re comfortable doing so. I think dirty talk makes the scene so much hotter, but I also try to keep it in character. If one of your characters is a virgin, then they may not dirty talk as much because they aren’t comfortable. Writing their reaction as the other person dirty talks is always fun though.

Don’t Rush It

Ultimately, it’s your choice on how detailed, long, and graphic you want the smut scene to be, but I prefer mine not to be rushed. I don’t think you should spend 15,000 words droning on and on about how his cock is throbbing, but don’t be afraid to write good, detailed smut scenes, especially if it is meant to be an emotional one. It’s not just about the physical act, but the emotional one as well. Yes, sometimes smut is just smut, but sometimes it needs to be more. Rushing it can take away from what sex is supposed to be: a connection with another person. 

Well that’s all I have for today. I could probably come up with more, but this is the foundation. If you would like, in future blogs, I can write tips for smut in different categories like public sex, quick and dirty, BDSM, long and loving, etc. I want to write what you think is helpful as a writer yourself. If you have any suggestions, you can email me or contact me on any of my social media platforms listed below!

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