Tag: author

Review: Psycho- Onley James

On By L. M. ArcherLeave a comment

Psycho is the second book in Onley James’ Necessary Evils Series. I finished reading it a few weeks ago but haven’t had the time to sit down and write a review.

Book Trigger Warning: Trauma, Psychopathy, Rape, Kidnapping, Murdering, Violence, Stalking and Torture. In my opinion, none of this is really in any graphic detail (except maybe the violence). Honestly, I’ve written worse.

Summary:

August Mulvaney has always been exceptional. As the genius son of an eccentric billionaire, his off-putting behavior is often blamed on his high IQ. They say there’s a thin line between genius and madness. August is both—a brilliant professor loved by his students and a ruthless, obsessive killer tasked with righting the wrongs of a failing justice system. And he’s just found his latest obsession: Lucas Blackwell.

Lucas Blackwell was once the golden child of the FBI, using his secret talent as a clairvoyant to help put away society’s worst. Until, with a touch, he discovers his co-worker is a killer and his life falls apart. Now, the world thinks he’s crazy and that co-worker wants him dead. He seeks refuge at a small college, hoping to rebuild his life and his reputation. But then he runs into August Mulvaney. Literally.

August is immediately intrigued with Lucas and his backstory. He doesn’t believe in psychics, but there’s no missing the terror in his eyes when they collide in the hallway. Now, August has a problem. Lucas knows his secret, and August knows he wants Lucas. And August always gets what he wants.

Can he convince Lucas that not all killers are created equal and that having a psychopath in his corner—and in his life—might be just what he needs?

Psycho is a fast-paced, thrill ride of a romance with an HEA and no cliffhangers. It features a psychopath hell-bent on romance and a disgraced FBI agent attempting to redeem himself. As always, there’s gratuitous violence, very dark humor, and scenes so hot it will melt your kindle. This is book two in the Necessary Evils series. Each book follows a different couple.

Review:

I liked this book a lot more than Unhinged, the first in the series. Just like the first book, you get right to the main characters meeting without a ton of backstory.

The readers meet August for the first time in book one, but you really get to know him in this Psycho. I actually fell in love with him. I’m such a sucker for awkward, smart guys, and that’s exactly what he is (besides being a psychopathic murderer). He is just so endearing, and he makes me swoon. He is also so smart and cunning which *swoons more*. I have nothing bad to say about him. At all. I found him so much more likable than Adam.

Lucas is an ex FBI agent who has the special ability to have visions when he touches items. He used this as an FBI profiler to find the ‘bad guy’ until he found out that another FBI agent was behind the disappearance of dozens of women. Of course when he revealed to the FBI his secret, they didn’t believe him and put him in a psych ward. The books starts after he’s been released and he took a job at a university as a criminology professor.

When Lucas literally runs into August in the hallway, he sees who August really is. August has an immediate connection to Lucas, much like Adam had with Noah. For me, this connection made more sense. I expected it to be more of a slow burn given Lucas’ past, but the author did a really good job of making the quick pace of their relationship more believable. August is cunning with the impressions he leaves for Lucas, after all.

Just like the first one, this book isn’t angsty in the relationship department. Most of the drama comes from trying to figure out the case Lucas had started during his time in the FBI which held my interest. I didn’t find any part of this book boring and the characters didn’t do anything stupid or out of character just to move the plot along.

I also love that you get to see them interact more with their family and other brothers. You still get to see peeks into Noah and Adam’s relationship and how Noah interacts with the rest of the family and now a new person. I have already started book three in the series. I’m excited to see what it holds.

I don’t have a ton to say about this book other than I definitely thing you should give the series a chance if you’re able to handle the triggers and morally ambiguous main characters.

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Review: Unhinged- Onley James

On By L. M. ArcherLeave a comment

I have been on a dark romance kick (what else is new?), so when I found the Necessary Evils Series and read the blurb to Unhinged, I knew I found my next read. It’s one of those concepts that I read and immediately wished I had come up with myself. It’s very creative. Full disclosure: I’m already over halfway through the second book in this series: Psycho.

This review will contain small spoilers.

Book Trigger Warnings: Sex Trafficking, Child Sex Trafficking, Child Abuse, Molestation, Childhood Trauma, Psychopathy, Violence, and Torture. In my opinion, none of this is really in any graphic detail (except maybe the violence). Honestly, I’ve written worse.

Summary:

Adam Mulvaney lives a double life. By day, he’s the spoiled youngest son of an eccentric billionaire. By night, he’s an unrepentant killer, one of seven psychopaths raised to right the wrongs of a justice system that keeps failing.

Noah Holt has spent years dreaming of vengeance for the death of his father, but when faced with his killer, he learns a daunting truth he can’t escape. His father was a monster.

Unable to ignore his own surfacing memories, Noah embarks on a quest to find the truth about his childhood with the help of an unlikely ally: the very person who murdered his father. Since their confrontation, Adam is obsessed with Noah, and he wants to help him uncover the answers he seeks, however dark they may be.

The two share a mutual attraction, but deep down, Noah knows Adam’s not like other boys. Adam can’t love. He wasn’t born that way. But he refuses to let Noah go, and Noah’s not sure he wants him to.

Can Adam prove to Noah that passion, power, and protection are just as good as love?

Unhinged is a fast-paced, roller coaster ride of a romance with an HEA and no cliffhangers. It features a dirty-talking, possessive psychopath and a sweet cinnamon roll of a boy with Daddy issues and a core of steel. There’s gratuitous violence, very dark humor, enough steam to fog up a hundred car windows, and something a lot like love. This is book one in the Necessary Evils series. Each book follows a different couple.

Review:

I really enjoyed this book. The concept is just fascinating to me. It was one of those that I wish I had come up with myself. In this book, you get right into the two main characters meeting, which I very much apricated.

Adam is a bit of a spoiled rich kid who has gotten by on his good looks and his father’s money. He is a good-looking, devil-may-care model, but what he does behind the lens of the camera is a different story. He is a psychopath, and he, along with his brothers, are vigilantes. He kills people who do evil things but these people are somehow either above the law or the law just simply can’t catch them. I must admit, I was way more interested in Adam’s brothers than I was him.

Noah is the son of one of Adam’s victims. When he confronts Adam one night for his crime against his father, Adam shows him who is father really was which unlocks memories that Noah had repressed. These memories lead Adam and Noah into a dark world where Noah and many other children were the victims.

I thought this story would have worked better as a slow-burn. Their instant attraction to each other didn’t really make a whole lot of sense. The way James explains Adam’s desires for Noah is almost… supernatural? It’s reminiscent of supernatural beings who have found their mate, but Adam isn’t a werewolf. I found the explanation a bit odd, but I went with it. There was lots of steam in-between the action.

I wouldn’t describe this book as particularly angsty, especially when it comes to their relationship. A lot of their conflict comes from outside sources. There was no will-they-won’t-they questions. You knew from the beginning that they would. The conflict revolved around the mystery that was unfolding about Noah’s past.

The one thing that really annoyed me about this book is that Noah acted really out at one point for no real good reason other than to move the plot along. If James would have added a few lines about the reason as to why Noah acted out of character, then it would have made sense. The other thing that bothered is how quickly they fell for each other. The blurb made it seem like a slow-burn, enemies-to-lovers, type deal but it was the opposite. Everything with their relationship happened really quickly which seemed really unrealistic to me.

Overall, I really enjoyed this book and would recommend you read it if you can handle the triggers that it contains. I must admit, I am enjoying the second one way more. I am looking forward to doing a review on it in the coming weeks.

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Music Speaks- The Songs that Inspired Sweetness in Innocence

On By L. M. ArcherLeave a comment

Below, I will walk you through each song that inspired Sweetness in Innocence: Book Two of the Take me to Church Series. You can also find the playlist I created on both Spotify and YouTube. In this, I am just going to cover some of the songs. There are more songs on the playlist provided, and I suggest you click on those links to listen while you’re reading the book! It just adds to the experience.

Bring me to Life- Evanescence

Lyrics:

How can you see into my eyes like open doors
Leading you down into my core
Where I’ve become so numb. Without a soul
My spirit sleeping somewhere cold
Until you find it there and lead it back home

This song and band made up my formative years. The chapter where they go grocery shopping is somewhat monumental. It seems so simple, but it was so important for the development of their relationship. It’s the first time Harlan shows trust toward Luka. He gives Luka a glimpse into his life and his problems.

Witching Hour- In This Moment

Lyrics:

Don’t you see the way I look at you
I can see behind your eyes
Can’t you tell the way I reach for you
I wear my halo in disguise
I watch you burn
I can feel you
I watch as you turn
What did you do

I think this is pretty self explanatory. This song coincides with the Halloween chapter and Luka, of course, wears a halo.

Follow You- Bring me the Horizon

Lyrics:

My head is haunting me and my heart feels like a ghost
I need to feel something, ’cause I’m still so far from home
Cross your heart and hope to die
Promise me you’ll never leave my side

When Luka got hurt, I think it made Harlan realize just how much he cared for him. Before this scene, their relationship was almost one sided. Luka always went out of his way for Harlan, and I wanted to see that reversed a bit. Luka needed Harlan, and Harlan was there for him. He followed him to the hospital because he was worried. It solidified their relationship a bit more.

Half God Half Devil- In This Moment

Lyrics:

I won’t pretend that I resist temptation
I think it’s funny when you preach damnation
I’ve been to hell and back and now it’s just a part of me
Without the darkness there’d be no light in me

I just love this song and the lyrics so much. I think this really fits with the Christmas chapter because Harlan finally lets another wall down and allows Luka inside of his home. The dark is a part of Harlan, and Luka sees that now but accepts it.

My Soul- Thrice

Lyrics:

Are you ready for my soul?
What if I’m broken from the start?
And what if I never heal?
Are you ready for my soul?
What if I open up my heart?
And somehow we stumble into something real?

This song is just so fucking beautiful, and I felt it was perfect for their first time. Harlan really allowed Luka inside. He showed he trusted him in some small way, and it was so fucking gentle. I think it reflects Harlan’s thoughts perfectly. He worries that he will never be able to full trust anyone because the wounds from his past run so deep. He is afraid to show Luka everything because he doesn’t want to scare him off with the amount of darkness he has suffered. In turn, Luka is almost afraid of something this real. Every other time he has spent with a guy hasn’t felt this real, and that scares him a lot.

Iris- The Goo Goo Dolls

Lyrics:

And I’d give up forever to touch you
‘Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You’re the closest to heaven that I’ll ever be
And I don’t want to go home right now
And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
And sooner or later, it’s over
I just don’t wanna miss you tonight

I really could have just quoted this whole fucking song. It’s so fucking perfect. Harlan and Luka danced to this in Harlan’s room on New Years Eve and I think something really shifted for them. I can’t listen to this song without getting emotional. It’s a very personal song for me, for different reasons, and I knew I had to use it for such a pivotal moment in this book. The lyrics sum up their blossoming relationship perfectly.

The Judas Kiss- Metallica

Lyrics:

Followed you from dawn of time
Whisper thoughts into your mind
Watched your towers hit the ground
Lured the children never found
Helped your kings abuse their crown
In the heart of feeble man
Plant the seeds of my own plan
The strong and powerful will fall
Find a piece of me in all
Inside you all

Warning: Do not drive while listening to this song. You will probably drive far too fast because the drums are fucking killer. This song isn’t really for a specific chapter, more so the slow demise of Luka’s faith. It also comes into play in the next book. The title that is… but spoilers.

A Reason to Fight- Disturbed

Lyrics:

When the demon that’s inside you is ready to begin
And it feels like it’s a battle that you will never win
When you’re aching for the fire and begging for your sin
When there’s nothing left inside, there’s still a reason to fight

Luka sang this to Harlan during the concert. Harlan has a lot of demons. Luka doesn’t know why yet, but he knows that it’s a constant battle for Harlan. He wants to give him a reason to fight those demons, and this song sums that up perfectly.

Avalanche- Bring me the Horizon

Lyrics:

Cut me open and tell me what’s inside
Diagnose me ’cause I can’t keep wondering why
And no it’s not a phase ’cause it happens all the time
Start over, check again, now tell me what you find
‘Cause I’m going out, I’ll fake what’s real
Can anyone respond?

When Ezra finally confronts Luka about what he’s been hiding, I think we were all holding our breaths. Luka still hasn’t accepted that it’s just a part of him. A small portion of his mind is still telling him that he’s sick for his sexuality and he needs to pray and ‘fix himself’, so I think this song perfectly reflects Luka’s inner turmoil.

Brighter Than the Sun- Poets of the Fall

Lyrics:

Like a miracle you change me, raise me
Brighter than the sun till I’m ready to be me
And your love is the reason, yeah
Like a miracle you wake me, make me
Brighter than the sun when it used to blind me
I know your love is the reason
Love never goes out of season

Harlan compares Luka to the sun more times than I care to admit. I think he is finally starting to accept the positive changes Luka has made in him. I wanted to end this book on a positive note, and I think this song does just that. Luka is the reason he’s happy now, and he is starting to realize his feelings for Luka.

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The Letters of Infertility- Dear Pregnant Stranger

On By L. M. Archer3 Comments

CONTENT WARNING!! Infertility

Dear Pregnant Stranger, 

I see you out and about, roaming the baby aisle at Target with a purpose while I go through those isle, looking at the contents with longing. You pat your belly, picking up various items, inspecting them with a huge smile on your face. Occasionally you’ll show your significant other, and you will discuss pros and cons. 

A part of me hates you, but then I instantly feel guilty because the truth of the matter is, I don’t know your story. You could have gone through years and years of infertility like me, only to end up spending your life savings on IVF for it to work for you, or you could have gotten pregnant by accident, the result of a night coated with inhibreation and lose inhibitions. 

I don’t know you so I shouldn’t hate you, but I do. I know it’s jealousy, the envy that lives deep inside of us all coming to the surface. I hate it, but I don’t really know how to stop it. I just… I want to be in the baby aisle of Target with a purpose. I want to bicker with my husband about the pros and cons of a certain brand of diaper. I want that, but the American healthcare system has failed me. It’s failed us all really. 

Maybe you are one of the people who spent your life savings on a chance to be a mother. If you are, I’m sorry. I’m sorry that the healthcare in our country is so fucked up that you have to spend somewhere between 10,000 and 15,000 dollars just to become a mother. I’m sorry that it cost twice that to adopt. 

At this point, I have been told that IVF is really our last option, but my husband and I cannot afford it. We don’t have any kind of savings. We don’t have anyone to help us. We have nothing in this battle. Just like everything else in this country, if you’re not rich then you don’t matter. Your wants and needs do not matter. 

My insurance is more than happy to cover limp-dick syndrome but it covers 0% of infertility cost. That’s right ZERO. Meaning, every single procedure I’ve had in regards to infertility has been paid for out of pocket or billed to me with a lovely little bow. Each IUI cost somewhere between 300 and 500 dollars. That seems like chump change in comparison to the cost of IVF. IUIs haven’t worked though. Nothing works, and IVF isn’t a guarantee. 

So, I guess I will just stand in the baby aisle of Target, looking at the merchandise with longing. I guess I will continue to feel like a failure in this world because my body cannot do the one thing that it is biologically supposed to be capable of. I cannot give life, only death. 

So please, Stranger, cherish your pregnancy and baby. Cherish motherhood with everything you have because some of us are forced to just view it from a distance. Some of us aren’t gifted with the ability to create and hold life. Some of us are just wastelands of dust and sorrow. 

Sincerely, 

A Broken Wasteland

Help Lena and Michael start a family- Click to donate

Others in the Series

Letters of Infertility- Dear Pregnant Best Friend

Letters of Infertility- Dear Husband

Letters of Infertility- Dear Body

Sweetness In Innocence- Book Two of the Take me to Church Series

On By L. M. Archer1 Comment

I’m so excited to reveal the cover for the second book! The eBook is already available for preorder on Amazon!

Special thank you to Bibi and Daria for making this cover come to life. They will also be working on the third and fourth, which I am so excited for.

Summary

Luka Thomas is leading a double life. Publicly, he is a God-fearing Christian with a loving girlfriend. What happens in the shadows of his reality tells a different story. Because of one boy, he has begun to question everything.

Harlan Sharp promised himself he wouldn’t fall for Luka, but he doesn’t know how to stop it. Each kiss, each touch, each gentle caress they share only leads him further toward revealing the secrets of his past and bearing his scars.

The nature of their relationship must be hidden from everyone. If they are caught, Luka will be kicked out of his family’s house and disowned. He will lose everything. It’s a sin that Luka isn’t ready to confess. He can try to keep his secret from everyone, but God is all-knowing. This limbo can’t last forever.

The Take me to Church Series is a real depiction of falling in love in high school as a gay teen amidst the rampant homophobia of the south and the mental health issues many people face. It’s explicit in the ways that life is. It’s raw, beautiful and real. Readers will scream in anger and cry in pain but also laugh in joy and healing as they grow with these characters.

Cover Photo by Bibi. Follow her Instagram: @moon_sun_thyme
Cover Design by Daria. Follow her Twitter: @ghostiemedicine

Sweetness In Innocence will be released August 10, 2021! Follow me on my social medias below for more content such as sneak peeks, giveaways, and more!

The Letters of Infertility- Dear Husband

On By L. M. Archer3 Comments

Content Warning! Infertility

Dear Husband, 

I had a dream last night. It wasn’t a nightmare in the traditional sense. It didn’t leave me screaming or jumping out of bed with my heart pounding in fright. It was a bad dream, though. It left me feeling sad with a sense of hopelessness and loss. I’m a logical person. I know it was a dream, but I couldn’t shake it. I spent my morning trying to hold back tears every time I thought about it. 

I dreamed that you had gotten back together with your ex-wife. I was still a part of the relationship because we do have an open marriage. In my dream, she had gotten pregnant a few weeks into your renewed relationship. I overheard you both whispering about it excitedly, talking about your dreams and hopes for the baby’s future. In the dream, I laid bawling in the adjacent room, praying you couldn’t hear me. You had finally gotten everything you wanted, and I couldn’t give it to you. 

I know this is a dream. I know that your ex-wife actually had her tubes tied, and you wouldn’t ever renew that relationship. It was what the dream was truly about that really bothered me. You see, I know deep down inside, you could easily go find a woman that can give you something I can’t: a biological child of your own. The problem has always been with me and my body, not you. 

So… what’s stopping you from doing this? I know, I’ve asked you this before. I know I have shared this deep seated fear of mine with you, and you always say that you love me regardless. If it doesn’t happen with me, then you don’t want it to happen at all. I hear you, and it’s not that I don’t believe you. Fears are just… illogical. 

I know that if the roles were reversed, I would say the same thing to you. I would feel the same way. I just don’t value myself the same way I value you. My self worth is pretty much non-existent and every time I think about infertility, it diminishes to nothing. Working on valuing myself, whether I’m able to have children or not, is up to me, not you. 

I know you’re probably sick of me apologizing by now, but I feel so fucking guilty. I’m sorry I can’t give you what you want. I’m sorry my body is broken. I’m sorry your luck was so shitty, you ended up with someone who couldn’t bear you a child. I’m so fucking sorry. I hate myself, and I wouldn’t blame you if a small part of you hated me too. 

It’s truly okay if you do. I am a very understanding person. I do my best to look at things from all perspectives. If one day, you decide you no longer want to be with someone who can’t give you something you want, then how can I blame you? I couldn’t blame you doing something that will make you happy. I would always love you, but I understand you have to do what you must to be happy. I may never be able to make you happy. 

With all my love, 

Your Worthless Wife

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Others in this series

Letters of Infertility- Dear Pregnant Best Friend

Letters of Infertility- Dear Pregnant Stranger

Letters of Infertility- Dear Husband

Letters of Infertility- Dear Body

Music Speaks- The Songs that Inspired Born in Sickness

On By L. M. ArcherLeave a comment

As you know by now, I have always used music as an inspiration to my stories, and this book is no different. Below, I will walk you through each song that inspired Born in Sickness: Book One of the Take me to Church Series. You can also find the playlist I created on both Spotify and YouTube.

Take me to Church- Hozier

Lyrics:

No masters or kings when the ritual begins
There is no sweeter innocence than our gentle sin
In the madness and soil of that sad earthly scene
Only then I am human
Only then I am clean
Amen, Amen, Amen

The reason why this one was included is pretty obvious. The song inspired the series in a lot of ways. Of course, this series took on a mind of it’s own, but the song fits perfectly!

Welcome to my Life- Simple Plan

Lyrics:

Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don’t belong
And no one understands you

If there was one emo song that defined my teen years, it would be this one. You will notice for this playlist, most of the songs fit into some kind of rock category. I really like this song for the first few chapters, specifically from Harlan’s point of view. He is the classic outcast teen that thinks everyone hates him and nobody understands him. You either were that person or knew that person in high school, don’t lie.

No Me Importa- In This Moment

Lyrics:

You’re so brave from your side of the glass
And you, you can’t compute, you can’t do the math
And you’re, you’re playing god with your remote control
But I already know that there’s a flaw in my code and the
The truth is you silently study me
And there are consequences that you cannot see
And you ask yourself how did I unplug
But the simple truth is that I just don’t give a fuck

Again, this one is mostly from Harlan’s POV. It also refers a bit to Luka’s frustration with not being able to read Harlan’s body language. He doesn’t understand how Harlan works, but he is is trying to, especially early on in their relationship. Harlan is very closed off.

Black Honey- Trice

Lyrics:

I keep swingin’ my hand through a swarm of bees
I can’t understand why they’re stingin’ me
But I’ll do what I want
I’ll do what I please
I’ll do it again ’til I’ve got what I need

This song is mostly referring to Harlan’s desire to do everything he can to help his family, and Luka’s desire to get Harlan to open up a bit.

5. Your God- Stone Sour

Lyrics:

Say something, anything to me
I do believe, but I have doubts
So many reasons to hold on
Conflicting interest, isn’t it?
I guess I’m better off in the end
‘Cause you were always there to blame
I haven’t felt so bad in I don’t know how long, you know

This song is definitely more from Luka’s point of view, and how he really starts to question everything he was taught about religion. This fits that first chapter where a real theological debate between him and Harlan takes place. I thought this song really fit both of their points of views. How Luka is questioning his faith and how Harlan has already lost his and feels as though he doesn’t need Luka’s God.

Dyers Eve- Metallica

Lyrics:

Dear mother, dear father
What is this hell you have put me through?
Believer, deceiver
Day in, day out, lived my life through you
Pushed onto me what’s wrong or right
Hidden from this thing that they call life

I think the reason why I chose this song is obvious. The song is very much about how parents force their doctrine and religious belief on their children. How they shelter them from life, which in the end, does more harm than good. They push their narrative of what’s wrong and right, and force a certain way of life on their children. Luka goes to the church homecoming with this family, starting to resent his step-dad, Matt. He starts to realize how fucked up his religion really is and open his eyes, even if it’s just a tiny bit.

Natural Born Sinner- In This Moment

Lyrics:

Did you really think by pushing me
I would become what you want me to be?
And did you really think by hurting me
I’d open up and just hand you the key?
I know you’re scared and don’t understand
This is my life, this is who I am
What I do know is come judgement day
Before the lord can you say the same?

This is about the moment Luka begins to take his life into his own hands. The moment he just says “fuck it” and kisses Harlan. He knows it’s wrong. He knows it’s against God. He knows it’s against everything Matt wants him to be, but he just can’t seem to care because he also knows he wants Harlan. He doesn’t want to deny himself of it anymore.

Conflicted- Halestorm

Lyrics:

And I hate that I’m conflicted
This addiction’s got me twisted on you
I’m conflicted, contradictive
Got my body confused
I’m yes or no, I will, I won’t
I’m conflicted and addicted
So come over and make up my mind

Even though Luka decided to kiss Harlan, he’s still conflicted. Simultaneously, Harlan is also conflicted. He doesn’t know if he should trust Luka and he doesn’t want to be his ‘dirty little secret’ or help him cheat on his girlfriend. He is giving Luka a chance to explain himself.

Jet Black Heart- 5 Seconds of Summer

Lyrics:

But now that I’m broken
And now that you know it
Caught up in a moment
Can you see inside?
‘Cause I’ve got a jet black heart
And there’s a hurricane underneath it
Trying to keep us apart
I write with a poison pen
But these chemicals moving between us
Are the reason to start again

This song is about knowing your kind of fucked up, but wanting someone to see it. Loving someone so much that you’re going to let them inside. You want to start with them. Start over with them even, and I think that it really fits the end of the book. They are just starting. They have a long way to go. Their path is probably going to be turbulent, but they may fall in love. They are giving each other a chance.

Recently, I got the opportunity to talk about my musical influences in an interview on the Mando Method Podcast. Listen to it here. Or watch the YouTube video blow:

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The Letters of Infertility- Dear Pregnant Best Friend

On By L. M. Archer3 Comments

It is National Infertility Awareness Week. I started writing this series several weeks ago as a way to deal with all of the loss I have experienced because of infertility. I never intended to publish it, but I thought there was no better week than this one.

I have been very quiet about my struggles, but now it’s time to be open. To any woman reading this who is struggling with infertility, you are not alone. To any woman reading this who has never fought this battle, please understand how hard it is. This series is very raw. Each one features an open letter that I am writing to someone in specific or a group of people.

Content Warning! Topics discussed in this post are as follows: infertility, miscarriage, and pregnancy loss

Dear Pregnant Best Friend, 

We initially bonded over the fact that we were both trying to get pregnant. I found out I was pregnant in March then two weeks later, you sent me a picture of your own positive pregnancy test. I was thrilled to have someone to talk to during such a life changing time. We had already talked every day, and now we had so much more to talk about. Your due date was only weeks from mine. We would get to experience this together. 

We created a group chat with another person who had the same due date as me. In the group chat, we talked about our pregnancies and our hopes for our unborn children. It was a wonderful environment. We talked every day, and we were so supportive of each other. 

When I was 11 weeks along, I messaged you all and explained that I had been cramping with some bloody discharge. I had spoken to my doctor, and she instructed me to go to the ER. I was scared but in good spirits. You both said that you didn’t think it would be anything bad and told me to let you know. 

I walked into the ER that night alone. I couldn’t have my husband with me due to Covid restrictions. They admitted me and took me back to a room where they drew some blood for testing. After a while, they wheeled me to another part of the hospital to do an ultrasound. 

To say I was excited to finally see my baby is an understatement. I had been wanting to see it for several weeks at that point. I hate that it was under the circumstances, but I was so sure that I would hear a heartbeat. I even asked the sonographer if I could video chat my husband. She said I could but to wait until she started to get a reading. 

So I laid on the bed in nervous anticipation. She said I was far enough along to do an external ultrasound and asked me to pull up my hospital gown. She squirted some gel onto my stomach, and it wasn’t as cold as I had anticipated. Maybe I was just too excited to notice. I felt like I was going to throw up as she began to press the probe onto my stomach. 

Her face fell, and I immediately knew something was wrong. She explained to me that she didn’t see anything, so she was going to switch to an internal ultrasound. She said maybe my due date was off. I knew it wasn’t, though. I knew the exact day I conceived. My heart dropped, and I held back tears. 

I spread my legs, and she placed the wand inside of me. I looked up at the screen, silently begging to hear a heartbeat, any sign of life. I heard nothing. The silence was both heartbreaking and deafening. She said that the sac didn’t look like it developed passed 7 weeks, but she wouldn’t tell me anymore. I knew, though. I knew I was miscarrying and the baby I wanted so badly was dead. 

They took me back to my room where I began bawling. I called my husband to tell them what she said, and he cried with me. He couldn’t even touch me. We couldn’t comfort each other because of the pandemic, so I had to tell him over the phone that the baby we wanted was gone. It was the worst moment of my life. 

After I hung up, I continued to just cry in the hospital room. I had never felt so alone. I could tell the nurses wanted to comfort me, but they weren’t allowed to make contact due to the restriction set in place by the CDC. They just looked at me with pity in their eyes. I hate pity. 

The doctor came in and told me that I was, in fact, miscarrying. He discharged me with some pain relievers and instructions to call my doctor in the morning. I was devastated. I just felt numb. I couldn’t believe it. My mind was racing with all of the people I would have to tell now, all of the hearts I would have to break. That’s the burden of being the woman in this, you’re the first to know when something is wrong. You are always the one that has to deliver the bad news. 

I went home and cried with my husband until I finally passed out from exhaustion. The next day I began sending the heartbreaking messages recounting my nightmare from the day before. I told you I was going to leave the group chat because I couldn’t stand the idea of watching you all talk about your healthy pregnancy while I bled. You were understanding. Of course you were because you were an amazing friend, unlike me. 

After that, I tried. I tried to keep up with your pregnancy. I tried to talk to you some and make sure you were okay. I liked your post on social media about your sonogram and how you were having a boy. I looked at the pictures from your virtual baby shower then eventually the ones of your newborn. I was so happy for you, but I just can’t force myself to speak to you. 

You remind me of everything I lost. You remind me of how absolutely useless I feel as a woman and a wife. You have your family now. You were able to give that to your husband, and motherhood looks so amazing on you. I wasn’t able to do any of that because my body doesn’t know how to do a normal biological function like reproduce. I’m sorry, I’m such a terrible friend. I’m so fucking selfish. 

After everything I had been through, I just wanted a happy ending. You got yours while I had to watch mine bleed away. 

Sincerely, 

A Selfish Acquaintance

To read more of our story and donate to our IVF effort, please use the link below:

Help Lena and Michael start a family- Click to Donate

Others in this series:

Letters of Infertility- Dear Husband

Letters of Infertility- Dear Pregnant Stranger

Letters of Infertility- Dear Body

How to Write Dialogue- Seven Tips

On By L. M. Archer1 Comment

Oftentimes, dialogue is the most difficult thing to write. It’s hard to make it sound realistic and relatable. As writers, we are told not to write like we speak however, that is difficult when writing dialogue. I get asked a lot how to write it and if I have any tips for people who are trying to write good dialogue. Below are my seven tips to writing dialogue. Yes, seven. I’ve never really liked even numbers.

Write First; Fill in Later

If I have a dialogue based scene or if the dialogue is super fucking important in a particular scene, I always write the dialogue first then fill in the details later. I also call this “bare boning” because it’s essentially the skeleton of the scene, then I add the meat later. I feel this helps me keep their conversation more organic and flow more naturally because I’m not having to constantly pause my thought or the conversation in my head to write what they are doing, physically.

Read it Out Loud

Reading it out loud helps me make sure it sounds organic. I know, personally, I have a habit of never using contractions when I write, but they are absolutely necessary in dialogue. Reading it out loud or to someone else will show any awkward phrases.

Don’t Write like you Speak

I know this may be controversial. My argument is that you aren’t your characters (not really). They probably speak a bit differently than you. They have different experiences. They grew up with different influences than you. They may not even be your age, which means they will probably use different types of slang terminology. Write like your character speaks, not how you speak.

Dialect (AKA Accents)

 I have written characters with a southern US accent, and although you can hear it in all of their words (if they were to really speak which they do in my head), I only select a few words to show their accent in the way they talk. Like, instead of dropping all ‘g’s’ on words ending in ‘ing’, I’ll choose one or two to drop in the sentence. I also try to get creative with it. I show their accent or where they are from in the words/phrases they use. Someone from the Sothern US may use phrases like ‘lick of sense’ or ‘down yonder’ while someone from the UK may say ‘lads’ or ‘mates’ instead of friends.

Don’t Write Small Talk

Your reader doesn’t give a single fuck how the weather unless it is pivotal to the plot. If there is a scene with dialogue, every single bit of it should be pivotal to the plot in some way whether it is a reveal or moving it along. If there isn’t a reason for the dialogue, then do not write it. It gets boring.

If it can be Said in Dialogue, Wait Until Dialogue to Say It

Do not reveal anything in the inner monologue. Anything. This keeps your readers guessing about certain character traits. Does your character have a secret? Don’t reveal it until he says it outload. Is the mother of your heroine dead? Let her reveal that information to someone in dialogue. This helps limit the inner monologue your characters have and keeps the readers more in the moment. It also helps you bridge various conversations to one another so you don’t have random spurts to dialogue.

Avoid Long Text of Dialogue

I know this is sometimes difficult if one character is doing most of the talking. I like to break it up with questions. Let me use my two main characters in the Take me to Church Series as my example. If Harlan is telling Luka his story (he does eventually) it would make sense for Harlan to be speaking a lot in that scene. I break it up by having Luka ask him questions and contribute to the conversation.

I hope this was helpful to you in someway! Please let me know if you have any request on other author tips. Come chat with me on my social medias below. I just posted a video on my Instagram where I read the blurb of my book, Cool for the Summer, in a very dramatic way. I plan to continue this series, so come say hello!

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Author Interview- Aila Glass

On By L. M. Archer1 Comment

Today, we are going to do something a bit different yet exciting! I had the pleasure of interviewing Aila Glass for my blog. She interviewed me as well which you can find here. Aila is an Indie Author with a few books out. She mostly writes romance that is more of the taboo side, which we get into in our interview. Find the links to all of her social medias at the bottom of the post!

What are the biggest challenges you have faced as an indie/self published author?

I think the biggest challenge for me, to be honest, is money. I am a bit of a control freak and I love to self publish my books because I have the control that I want but that means I have to buy everything myself and things like an editor I just can’t afford. So if you find typos in my book just know that I tried my best and that I am doing this all by myself. I am really thankful to beta readers for helping me because they will also flag typos as well.

Tell us a line in one of your books that is special to you and why?

“I need her like air, and I am just about done waiting” and “ No sweetness, you are not in trouble. I am” from Dirty Work. These lines made me feel like a legit romance writer. They are from my first book and those lines are what I love to hear in a romance book and the fact that I wrote them means a lot to me. So much so I could just pick one. I couldn’t choose between the two.

Why do you choose to write more ‘taboo’ subjects?

I’ve always read those kinds of books so when it came to writing I wanted to write what I liked to read. I think I like the “you’re not supposed to” kind of feel they have in them. Because it is always people who are like “I want it anyway” I love that attitude.

Have you received any criticism for the taboo topics you write about?

I think my aunt was a little concerned about my books but I would say that my books aren’t known enough to get a lot of people’s opinions, which is great on one hand. So I would say not really. Most people who read my books I think know what they are getting into and if they don’t link it they probably just don’t read it.

When and how did you start writing?

I started writing when I was a kid. I was always writing stories. I just never finished it. Until 202 when I thought since we were in a pandemic and I am unemployed that I would try it. That August I finished my first book and published it. I was so happy. The story meant a lot to me.

What is your biggest piece of advice for those who are just starting on their writing journey?

Write for you. Always. I think people get pretty consumed with “what if people don’t like it?” that they get stressed and it doesn’t become fun anymore. If you always write for you chances are you lift a huge weight off of you. Also, people who read your books might be a lot like you. Your audience and yourself tend to share characteristics so writing for you can hugely benefit you. Your book won’t be everyone’s cup of tea.

Do you plan to branch into different genres in the future?

I have a supernatural/fantasy romance book in the works. I would say judging by the hundred of book outlines I have I have a hard time staying in the lines of “taboo romance” I think a lot of my books have that air to it but I am looking forward to getting into that supernatural vibe.

Do you read the genre you write in?

Most of the time yes. I read a lot of age gap books and “Daddy” books and other books with hints of taboo. I do branch off sometimes.

What book had the biggest impact on you and your writing style?

I don’t know if I could pin it down by a single book but I would say that Alexa Riley had a huge impact. I fell in love with their books. I started writing Dirty Work because of their books. I like their sexy, dirty, and fun atmosphere and they inspired me to write books like that because I also really like reading books like that.

If you had to describe your writing style in three words, what would they be?

Three words-Light, Dirty, and Sweet.

Bonus- Elevator pitch of your upcoming book

So my current work in progress is an age gap, reporter vs CEO. He is a millionaire who is 40 and single. She is a reporter who is 25 and has a boyfriend. But not for long. She ends up interviewing this man and gets a kind of a thing for him. She realized that guys her age don’t know how to treat her right. No cheating. Hot as hell. HEA guarantee.

Aila Glass’ Social Medias

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